The Movie Scene That Sculpted My Love for Val Kilmer

Men: please don't try this pick-up technique. Only 'Thomas the Artist' could pull it off.

Thomas the Artist woos a pretty visitor to the sculpture gallery. Frame grabbed from Movieclips.com (YouTube)

You’ve probably heard the news: famed actor Val Kilmer has died.

He had throat cancer, but he reportedly died from pneumonia. It’s sad.

He was probably most famous for his role as “Iceman” in the Top Gun franchise. He was also big in Heat and True Romance. Oh, he played a pretty good Jim Morrison in The Doors, too.

But there’s one role of his that I think is under-appreciated. It was as Simon Templar (and a host of other characters) in the 1997 film The Saint.

In it, he’s a thief who takes on different personas to get closer to a scientist (Dr. Emma Russell played by Elisabeth Shue) who has apparently cracked the code for cold fusion—creating nuclear energy at room temperature.

There’s one scene in particular that stands out in my scattered brain. It’s when he becomes “Thomas the Artist” in a university gallery, sketching a beautiful sculpture. Dr. Russell wanders in, and is startled by his rock star appearance.

Kilmer pulls off this character amazingly. He draws her in with his mysterious aura, his long hair, his leather(?) pants. He also knows how to talk to women. (Maybe he took one of those incel courses from a “pick-up artist”?)

I admittedly pretended to be this character for a day or two after seeing the movie. But like this guy who commented on the YouTube clip, it didn’t go nearly as well for us:

When I first started talking to girls, I thought they'd like me more if I were cool too. So predictably enough, I tried to act like Kilmer from The Saint. Looking back now, I'm embarrassed to wonder what those girls were thinking of when this awkward boy started talking to them in a creepy, horribly done, European accent.

Anyhow, in honour of the late, great Iceman, I’d like to imagine how this movie conversation would go for the average man in 2025:

[Thomas the Artist]: Do you like it?

[Dr. Emma Russell]: *suspicious stare*

[TTA]: The sculpture. Do you like it?

[Dr. R]: Well, yeah, that’s why I was looking at it.

[TTA]: What do you love about it?

[Dr. R]: I like the way his rock-hard butt catches the light, okay? I also like the way he’s not talking to me, like you are.

So… are you like, an artist or something?

[TTA]: No. I’m just a traveller, searching for… purity.

[Dr. R]: Um, ok? What does that even mean? You’re looking for… virgins? Good luck with that.

[TTA]: …What do you search for?

[Dr. R]: My phone. I seem to have left it in the office, I have to go now.

[TTA]: Have you ever been on a long journey?

[Dr. R]: It’s okay, really. My office is just a couple of blocks from here. I can take an Uber.

[TTA]: Perhaps I’ll take you to my home… in Africa. To experience the energy of where all life began.

[Dr. R]: You could just, y’know, text me or something.

[TTA]: Sorry, I’m not really good with… people.

[Dr. R]: You can say that again. *Posts note online about sketchy dude trying to pick her up on her lunch break*

RIP Val Kilmer. We’ll miss you.

Oh, and for the real art enthusiasts: This scene in The Saint was filmed at the Associated British Elstree Studios in Hertfordshire, which became the film’s fictional “University College” in Oxford. Apparently it’s also a “fictional” sculpture. Looks real to me…