I don't do well in crowds or at parties, because I'm an introvert and have a chronic condition which is like BPV. I enjoy being with one person at a time, who accepts me as I am and understands when I need to end it. My husband was that person. When he died, I hung out with my long time best friends, one at a time.
They have died of cancer now too.
The best thing I did was accept who I am, as I am. The next best thing was figuring out how I was going to communicate with people when I want to, and only when I want to or when they need me. Substack is one thing I did, because I am not on social media. I connect with my sons. One thing I can tell you, which is very important to me, IS to ɓe in the moment and focus on others. Get out of yourself.
This was hard as hell for me. Music and art have helped me. Political allies and activism have helped me.
You have written 2 pieces today and yesterday that are raw and open. This is amazing and beautiful. I'm sure that most people who read this are with you and celebrating you, just the way you are. I am with you. Go at your own pace and you can take us with you or not. It's totally up to you. 🦋
Thanks Linda. You nailed it: I need to get out of my head. It’s hard to go from that mode to fun quickly, as you know. I think it’s a matter of re-training my brain to accept joy.
I don't try to have fun or "be happy". Totally lower your expectations. That may be key for you. An expectation is a resentment under construction. This is another important thing I learned on my journey. Another hard thing to do, but it's so worth it.
That resonates, yes. Sometimes, I force myself to go out just to have a honestly horrible time and can't wait to go back home. Other times, I don't go and simply feel guilty about ghosting my friends (or the few left) once again. Truth is, I'm just easily overwhelmed and the "fun culture" we have now is not the best for me. I'm not saying I'm better than the others. But I find it difficult. It's like walking around in high heels and dreaming of slippers all the time.
Yes…you described my on going social life from college to an adult-62 yo. It’s a back and forth dialogue as you said between my introversion and my desire for social connection. I’m beginning to understand it better and accept this dilemma while trying not to be an egore.
I don't do well in crowds or at parties, because I'm an introvert and have a chronic condition which is like BPV. I enjoy being with one person at a time, who accepts me as I am and understands when I need to end it. My husband was that person. When he died, I hung out with my long time best friends, one at a time.
They have died of cancer now too.
The best thing I did was accept who I am, as I am. The next best thing was figuring out how I was going to communicate with people when I want to, and only when I want to or when they need me. Substack is one thing I did, because I am not on social media. I connect with my sons. One thing I can tell you, which is very important to me, IS to ɓe in the moment and focus on others. Get out of yourself.
This was hard as hell for me. Music and art have helped me. Political allies and activism have helped me.
You have written 2 pieces today and yesterday that are raw and open. This is amazing and beautiful. I'm sure that most people who read this are with you and celebrating you, just the way you are. I am with you. Go at your own pace and you can take us with you or not. It's totally up to you. 🦋
Thanks Linda. You nailed it: I need to get out of my head. It’s hard to go from that mode to fun quickly, as you know. I think it’s a matter of re-training my brain to accept joy.
I don't try to have fun or "be happy". Totally lower your expectations. That may be key for you. An expectation is a resentment under construction. This is another important thing I learned on my journey. Another hard thing to do, but it's so worth it.
You’re right again.
That resonates, yes. Sometimes, I force myself to go out just to have a honestly horrible time and can't wait to go back home. Other times, I don't go and simply feel guilty about ghosting my friends (or the few left) once again. Truth is, I'm just easily overwhelmed and the "fun culture" we have now is not the best for me. I'm not saying I'm better than the others. But I find it difficult. It's like walking around in high heels and dreaming of slippers all the time.
Yes…you described my on going social life from college to an adult-62 yo. It’s a back and forth dialogue as you said between my introversion and my desire for social connection. I’m beginning to understand it better and accept this dilemma while trying not to be an egore.
Enjoy your post and photos!
Yes, I relate 100%! The pandemic made it far worse - now I have paranoia about being indoors with groups of people as well. 🤦♀️